Subject: Real Programmers

Real Programmers don't eat quiche. In Fact, real programmers 
can't even spell quiche. They eat Twinkies, Szechwan [sic] food, 
and drink Pabst.

Real Programmers don't write specs -- users should consider 
themselves lucky to get any programs that work at all -- and take 
what they get.

Real Programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to 
write, it should be hard to understand.

Real Programmers don't write application programs; they program 
right down on the bare metal. Application programming is for 
accounting feebs who can't do systems programming.

Real Programmers don't write COBOL. COBOL is for wimpy 
application programmers.

Real Programmers don't write FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for pipe stress 
freaks and cyrstallography weenies.

Real Programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers 
write in BASIC after the age of 12.

Real Programmers don't write in PL/1. PL/1 is for those twinks 
who can't decide whether to write in FORTRAN or COBOL.

Real Programmers don't write in PASCAL, or BLISS, or ADA, or C, 
or any of those pinko computer science languages. Strong typing 
is for people with weak memories.

Real Programmers' programs never work right the first time. But 
if real programmers can get their supervisor to throw them on the 
machine and everyone else off, their programs can be patched into 
working in 'only a few' 30 hour debugging sessions.

Real Programmers don't document. Documentation is for simps who 
can't read the listings or the object deck.

Real Programmers don't play tennis, or racket ball, or any other 
sport that requires them to change clothes. Mountain climbing is 
OK, and real programmers will wear their climbing boots to work 
in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in the middle of the 
machine room.

Real Programmers don't work 9 to 5. If any real programmers are 
around at 9 AM, it's because they were there all night.