From: RTPARK::RLB "Bob Boyd 8*565-3627 11-Apr-1989 1312" 11-APR-1989 13:26 To: ALL_MANAGERS Subj: Latest suite of favorite benchmark names B-) NEWS-Posting: Newsgroup , Item <#207>, Subject Path: rtpark!ge-rtp!rti!mcnc!xanth!nic.MR.NET!srcsip!csd4.milw.wisc.edu!mailrus!tut.cis.ohio-state.edu!cs.utexas.edu!ssbn!looking!funny-request From: rob@amber.UUCP (Rob Adams x5527) Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny Subject: Collection of new benchmark names Message-ID: <3001@looking.UUCP> Date: 24 Mar 89 11:30:04 GMT Sender: funny@looking.UUCP Lines: 192 Keywords: original collection, smirk Approved: funny@looking.UUCP Reply-Path: neat.ai.toronto.edu!gatech!mit-eddie!ileaf!io!amber!rob {Note to Ed. These were culled from comp.arch over the last several days. I know it's a collection, I know it's too long, and I know that it's only passing funny; I promise not to kill Salmon Rushdie if you reject it. I maintained the spelling and grammar from the original postings; YOU try running a spell checker on this file!} Alan Lovejoy (alan@pdn.nm.paradyne.com) wrote: >It seems that *h*stone has become a standard infix/prefix for naming >computer benchmarks. It might be interesting to collect a list of >all the benchmarks whose names have this form, and to entertain >suggestions for new, perhaps whimsical, benchmark names that would >use this infix/prefix. >Stoned Benchmarks: >Whetstone (floating-point) >Dhrystone (integer) >Dhampstone (integer and floating-point) >Rhealstone (real-time/tasking) >"IO-stone" (there is an IO benchmark that uses -stone, but I forget its name) >Suggestions for Stoned Benchmarks: >An animation benchmark might be called the "Flhintstone" :-). To which many others responded: RhollingStone For benchmarking sound generation systems Sahndstone For benchmarking silcon (get it, sand) chips Soahpstone For measuring daytime cable tv usage Flahgstone For benchmarking boolean operations WhatStone? For statistical verification of psuedo randome number generators Rhosettastone Natural language translation benchmark Whystone Asks the computer why bother a whole bunch of times Wherestone I dunno, turns the computer into a hairy stone if the moon is full? (groan) Captain Blighstone Does some sort of micro-mutiny Sighstone Relates performance time to how bored the operator is with doing benchmarks Chrystone (crystone) The operator is *thouroughly* bored now Sthystones (Stystnes) Show operator how messy insides of computer is in relation to its speed Ehverybodymustgetstone Tests the degree of nondeterminism in an instruction set BhlarneyStone For Benchmarking Vaporware! Lhoadstone Benchmark that is a lhoad of Firestone Where your mileage may vary :-) Khidneystone Medical expert systems benchmark Gallstone For evaluating medical diagnostic expert systems Yhellowstone Simulates a "let-it-burn" policy on your computer's memory Lhivingstone Benchmark for anthropology in Africa Hheadstone Benchmarking of defunct processes. Shlyandthefamilystone Measures how "funky" your system is WhatStone? The benchmark for voice recognition systems :)! Cherrystone The number of novice roots users a machine can survive BhlackStone Used to benchmark magic tricks Schissorspaperstone A series of benchmarks that can be used to prove any machine architecture superior to any other Mhilestone How many design revisions, i.e. laps around the engineering department before the project collapses. [ ... or is that millstone ?] Sly and the Fhamily Stone Benchmark for soul music GhallStones Measures audacity of claims by system engineers or administrators or used-car salesmen KhidneyStones Measures rate at which you get pissed off by vendors or administrators or used-car salesmen (right now running at about 7 KS) Shandstone A benchmark of the raw electrical performance of the silicon used in the processor chips Stihcks&stone Benchmarks the number of bad things you can say about the operating system per second Ehstone How many Canadians, like, worked on the system, eh? Thunderstone Measures floating-point speed by simulation of falling meteors Touchstone Resolution test for touch/screen sensors Standingstone Benchmark by iterated astronomical calculations. Phase-of-moon dependent. Requires operator to wear animal skins. Lhimestone Extent to which purchase of system leaves sour taste in customer's mouth Shoapstone Measures how clean design is Bhlarneystone Rigorous test of Irish computing systems Bhlackstone Checks magic numbers of files Ghallstone Rigorous test of medical systems Hharrystone Tests whether an input voice pattern is Mel Torme's Swhordinthestone Finds the Once and Future computer architecture Rhhinestone Tests for cheap flashy computer architectures Fhirestone Number of lazy, good for nothing, goldbricks which can be laid off upon installation of a computer system. There are two accepted pronounciations: fa-hire-stone (as in I am) or fire-stone (as in you are) Stonestone Relative merit of smoke Brought to you by: Leonard T. Armstrong Dave Binette Donald C. Currie Myron Deale Akash Deshpande Kevin Ferguson Robert Firth Steve Fowler Robert Garvey Don Gillies Kim L. Greer John Hogg Steve Melvin Tom Merkel Scott Neugroschl David Newton Daryl Odnert Robert M. Panoff Gary Piatt Renu Raman Eric S. Raymond Rick Richardson Warren Seltzer Jim Shankland Neil Weinstock Ed Wright and Devin_Ben-Hur@cup.portal.com ---- Rob Adams Interleaf, Inc. Cambridge, MA rob@ileaf.com -- Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.UUCP Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing. Remember: PLEASE spell check and proofread your jokes.